About life

I've been illegally cold today and intake has been under 400 cals, so that's not gonna warm me up. I'm punishing myself for past two days that went way over 900 and made me gain a pound.

I've exceptionally seen my therapist yesterday and today also, yesterday she apologized for making me so visibly anxious last time, and she said some really nice words to make me talk about stuff. She said that I've been going there for so long, that now would be the time to start talk about those things I don't want to, because there lies the real problem. She's right, but I can't just start talking about things I haven't told anyone about. I need time and more time and.. well, some things I can't even think about, so how could I speak them out?

But last two times she's been nice to me, she has not pushed me at all. I think that today we made some progress again, we didn't talk about eating tough, but stuff that is linked to it anyway.. I don't feel anxious, and that's good.

Only thing I'm really uncomfortable over, is coming Friday and the upcoming evening at my friend's place. I know it will involve eating, but I have pretty good plan which I'm gonna follow and maybe change it depending the foods available.



Oh.. And I should decide tomorrow if I will apply law-school for the third time. The books will be out on April 1st and I should start reading right away. I'm just so, so, so scared that my motivation won't be enough. Last time I studied 7-10hours every day for two months, I learned the books from cover to cover and took lessons too.. and I was 5 points too short when the results came. I'm so scared that it'll just happen again and all the really expensive books and training-course my parents will pay would be for nothing--again.

What I'm gonna do, argh...

But there's a silver lining: I'm not half as anxious as I could be even though my date didn't show up today! he has a drug problem yeah, but that doesn't give him excuses forever!