Sorry I've been absent

Hmm, I haven't been blogging for a while. This is gonna be a long entry, not compulsory to read.





So, last Friday I saw that other doctor again - the one who mumbles and gives me meds without any compassion. He surprised me this time, he listened and asked reasonable and proper questions. (the reason I went to meet him was my ed and especially to ease mom's mind) He sent me to have a complete bloodwork and EKG done, and he told me that he'll have to write a request to Ed-clinic about my case. I really disagree that he said I can't be trusted and he actually told me to gain at least 4 pounds before my entrance exam! "Think a pound as a one point, you need to have 4 points to get in, so that's 4 pounds" .. I got upset about that and other things he said.

Later that night I went out with my friends, it was fun then: I came alone and when I was about to show my ID to the guard on the door, he said that "You don't have to, I remember you" And I didn't have to pay anything either! In the club, two random boys bought me sparkling wine, so I didn't have to pay for my drinks either.. lol, I danced two hours with my friends. Fine night all together.

On Saturday my brother had his graduation party, it wasn't so cool, because all my relatives were watching when I ate and it was embarrassing, I actually felt like throwing up all the time. Then a friend came by, and she pretty much ruined my mood when she told me that all the other girls had gossiped and scandalized my situation last night - they were only faking innocent when I had arrived. They had had an argue whether they should call my parents or just talk to me! ...I'm still so mad. I sent a txt message to the girl who had started the conversation and told her that if she wants to talk behind my back, fine, but could she please stop talking bullshit about things she has no idea about I get angry when I even try to think about it. My therapist said that my friends must have boring life, if they have to talk shit about me all the time.

LOL I must be more famous I knew.



And I'm mad to my therapist too. I don't wanna meet her this week again. On Monday she didn't ease my upset feelings at all, she said many things about my ed that are not true, and she didn't understand my attempts to explain.

Why now? Why everyone are so worried now? I've been this weight before, and no-one said a thing. No one was interested when I had my emo-season, or when I did SI for 3 years, when I did drugs and messed around with boys. But now, when everything is better, they get worried? Hypocrites much? GRRR I'm mad right now!!

I wanna yell to people and throw things towards them, and tell them I hate them when they treat me like this.

* * *

Today I've been okay. Well, I went to hospital in the morning to get the bloodwork done. The nurse took 5 pipes (I don't know if that's the word for those things but..) of blood from me, and I felt really dizzy and weak afterwards, at least my EKG wasn't high at any rates.. I had to go to grocery store right after that, because my family is away all week and I had to buy some supplies. It was fun to buy only those things I wanted to, and plan all my meals Today I've been studying and sunbathing, soon I'm gonna watch Hurt Locker, I have some cider and I'm planning to slice two carrots and have a delicious dip-sauce with them.