Today I did pretty well. I had to go to work in really short notice, so I had to lie to my counsellor thar I had gotten sick. Money helps me more than theraphy at the moment. There's flue going around and I hope I'm not really getting down with it. At work I felt relly dizzy, and that lightheadedness has bothered me all day.. or maybe my head feels heavy? Now it's more heavy than light by any means.
I went to stables in the morning, went into hall and jumped on my horse, and I really, really tried to hang on an hour, but I couldn't make it. My arms hurt so badly, cause back on Tuesday I did pretty hard training and the horse was pulling the reins all the time. So today I couldn't hold back at all, hell I wasn't almost able to stop her!
I'm feeling irritated over that matter. Guess I have to continue doing push-ups every day to get strenght in my upper arms. Well, now I'll be having at least three horse-free days; plenty of time to regain all strenght.
A couple of days ago, when I was shopping and just mirroring in one fitting-room, when I suddenly took a closer look on my back. My shoulder- and collar bones were really visible, and all other bones over that area stuck out whenever I moved my arms.
It looked like wings were about to burst open from my back. I love that thought. Angels have always had my attention. I'm not religious person, but angels are somehow appealing. I wish I had wings, at least now it looks like I have ones.
... I can't wait to have my own apartment. Mom just burst into my floor without knocking: "do you have that another work tomorrow? Do they have lunch in there?" when I answered that they do, she left. What the hell?
todays intake something like 600. I's lot but..No, I'm not getting depressed over it tonight.
Love, Nikki
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